He who sees, but is not seen

My mother and I spoke of school again. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to deal with going back to school, not yet.

I will, of course. I’m going to. Just… not yet. I don’t have a real solid reason, just not yet.

And of course, I can’t tell this to her. She won’t understand.

My mother is heavily conservative and prefers the ‘My Will’ over ‘Your Will’ approach to situations like this.

‘As long as you live under this house, you will go to school.’ I can hear it now.

I’m not living under this roof of my own volition, and she doesn’t seem to realise that.

I often forget about the irrational side of decision making, in my strangely black-and-white view of life.

To me, it always seems to be ‘I want to, so I will’ or ‘I don’t want to, so I won’t’. You know, the logical, rational decisions.

I always forget about the emotionally clouded choices, the grey areas, of ‘I want to, but I won’t’ and ‘I don’t want to, but I will’.

If someone doesn’t want to do something with me, or cancels a plan, or something, I tag it as ‘I don’t want to, so I won’t’. A personal attack of some kind.

I fail to see it in the light of ‘I want to, but I won’t/can’t’.

Well, at least, I used to.

These posts seem to have a lot of that; ‘I used to.’ ‘Not anymore.’ ‘That’s how it used to be.’

I honestly feel these changes happening; don’t take them at face value.

One thing must be understood above all others if we are to do well in life.

Michael Moore is NOT, I repeat, NOT a documentarian. I cannot stress this enough.

His films are frequently categorised as documentaries, and he even won an Oscar for Best Documentary.

There are a few things a film needs to be classified as a documentary.

First and foremost, above all things, at the top of the list with a bullet: Objectivism.

Anyone familiar with Moore’s films are aware that objective is exactly what he is not.

But there is another, second, smaller point to make; you should not dismiss Michael Moore just because he is not a documentarian.

He is, in every sense of the word, a propagandist. But his movies provide an integral footboard for one thing; questions.

While Sicko is not exactly a piece of literary truth and integrity, it does what it needs to do. It makes you think about America’s Healthcare system, and hopefully do research of your own.

Do it.

I’m not saying that I’m giving up
I’m just trying not to think
As much as I used to
Cause never is a lonely little messed up word

Best Picture: No Country for Old Men (I said There Will Be Blood)

Best Director: Coen brothers for No Country for Old Men

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will be Blood

Best Actress: Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem for No Country for Old Men

Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton

**

I was spot on on everything except Best Picture. To be honest, I was swaying between the two, but settled on There Will Be Blood because of my choice of Daniel Day-Lewis for best actor. I probably should have gone with the choice on best director, but whatever.

I was right with Best Animated Film (Ratatouille), Best Original Screenplay (Juno) and Best Adapted Screenplay (No Country for Old Men), as well, but they’re not as big.

There is one thing I hate above hypocrisy; those who believe they hold some kind of power over me.

That with mere words and expressions of disappointment, they can cause me some great pain. With words like ‘you don’t care enough to etc’ they can stir up within me some kind of remorse, some kind of guilt.

There is nothing to be guilty about. There is nothing to be remorseful about.

Your words are just that to me; words.

There is no power behind them. There is no meaning. You can use words like ‘chaos’ and ‘tempest’ all you want; the flowery language just makes you look like even more of an ass.

Yeah, you’ll probably read this. I don’t care. I’m happy with where my life is, and if you need phantoms from your past to feel happy, that’s not my problem.

I have no desire to reconcile.

I’m not entirely sure what I came here to say. I had it, then totally forgot. And I actually forgot, I’m not lying.

Yesterday sucked. It was just a bad day in general; I hope today will be better.

I havn’t done anything wrong.

Why do I keep thinking I’ve messed something up? I havn’t.

I’m awesome.

Rock band: drums. I have this terrible terrible pain in my muscle in my arm. It’s driving me absolutely insane.

Anyway, now that the question of Uganda has been laid to rest, it’s time to move on to the next matter at hand.

That’s right, I am systematically moving through my life and fixing stuff. Deal with it.

I don’t know what the hell THAT conversation was about.

Just a conversation?

I don’t know. I don’t even know.

STOP CONFUSING ME.