Moments that define a man
I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of my life assuming I was a victim.
Take that exactly as I said; I acted as though everything happened to me, that I had shitty luck, that girls hated me and that I was never going to amount to anything because I was ‘dealt a bad hand’.
Even when I admitted that was my problem, I still didn’t actually believe it.
I denied for 18 years my hand in anything that happened to me; I pretended I had no responsibility, that people did this to me because of who THEY are, not because of who I was.
It took a severe blow to the system (physically AND metaphorically) to convince me otherwise.
Trinity was fading away. I spent a good month thinking I was a bad person, thinking that someone else was more appealing than me. Thinking that she just didn’t like me anymore, that I fucked up. Trying to blame her, blame Tannyr, blame life. Why, then, was I unable to blame myself? It took me until Thursday night to realise that it’s the way I’ve been behaving. I was pushing her away with my actions, I was pushing her away to have a reason to complain about her fading away. I brought it upon myself, and I regret that it took me so long to realise it. I hope, Trinity dearest, that it is not too late.
I pushed her away like I pushed everyone else away. No one likes someone who plays a victim all the time. No one likes someone who does what I do; makes mistakes then blames others. My high school years are left in tatters, but not because of how I previously thought. It is destroyed because of me. I was acting like an idiot. An asshole. A douche.
A victim.
No more. That side of me is dead. It may be too late for everyone else, but I refuse to lose the best thing that’s happened to me in two years because of it.
Pills? We don’t need no fucking pills.
Thunder
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
Here’s everything I’ve always meant to say.
If I don’t make your heart skip a beat, then hate me.
it’s all I want.
In other news: What the fuck.
Seriously, Guliani. That’s the LAST signal we need to be sending right now. How do you think Russia and China (would-be aggressors?) will respond to a military build-up? Probably by building up THEIR military, if the years of 1946-1989 are any indication. Is that really what we want? A political pissing contest?
Flexing our military muscles is not the way to deter aggressors. It will merely come across as antagonizing them.
Besides, how do you expect to fund this military build-up? Tax-cuts to the rich? Because really that’s worked out so well for the last couple years (almost eight years of GW in office… wow. Most of my formative years with this douche as our commander-in-chief?).
If you’ll recall, Clinton resided over the longest economic expansion in recent history. Which is a good thing! We want that. He did this partly by slicing military spending. We were, at that time, at a moment of relative peace. Having a giant army-dick made no sense; there were more important economic matters that needed attending to. And Clinton had the knowledge, the wisdom, and the foresight to take note of that and actually DO something about it. Bush addresses our economic problems, but I do NOT see him taking any steps towards correcting them.
I imagine he’s just going to do whatever it is he’s doing, and leave the next president in charge of cleaning up the mess.
And while I dislike Ron Paul and his rabid lunatic followers, he at least recognizes the issue and outlines ways to reverse it (while I don’t agree with his methods, at least he has methods). It is an important plank in his platform, and its one the other candidates seem to be neglecting.
But I digress. The fact of the matter is we have an abysmal foreign policy, and boosting our military spending and increasing the size of the standing army is in no way going to help. Our reputation worldwide is bad (despite what the government would have you believe), and this isn’t going to make matters any better.
A word that’s being tossed around a lot recently in blogs and forums is draft. It’s a cheap and effective way of increasing our military size without increasing spending too much.
Truth be told, I am all for the draft (and before you shove your hand up my ass, let me explain).
If the draft was reinstated, the war would be over in a matter of months. Most people at home are so complacent about this war because it doesn’t affect them directly. It’s always their friend’s cousin or neighbor’s best friend who are going off to war. What’s happening in the middle east is merely something they see on TV. Despite everyone’s best efforts, it’s hard to really make it real.
With a draft, suddenly everything comes crashing down. Suddenly, it’s not the neighbor’s kid, it’s YOUR kid. It’s not your best friend’s cousin, it’s your best friend. Maybe even you. The reality of everything that’s going would wake everyone up from their lethargic slumber, and then, and THEN the civil unrest would begin. About fucking time.
The war effort would come crashing down around the administrations feet. It would be over before they know it.
Wake up, you guys, seriously. Shake the bars, throw some rocks at a building. Don’t just… sit there complacently. I am advocating civil unrest. Start a riot, something. WAKE UP. Stop just bowing down to blind policies and laws, accepting it because it’s the government, because its the body.
The government starts with us. America starts with us. We can’t rely on who we elect to save us. That’s our problem. Every four years, we think ‘this person will save our country!’
No. WE will save our country. Hug your neighbor. Pick up some trash. Disobey stupid rules. Fight, dammit. Fuck.
Warmest regards,
IAN
I never know which blog to update. Somedays it’s a cointoss. Some days I do both!Whee!
Wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tubeman
I code the way most people read or listen to music. It’s such an intense feeling for me; typing out /divs and lining up my tables, clears my head.
Not that my head really needed clearing, it’s just a very centering thing for me.
Bitches at the apartment finally got back to us.
380 a month is a little steep, but I think if I learn to live on a meager 200 a month, I should be able to handle it fine. It’ll be tough to get by at first, but it’ll be something I get used to.
What about them redsox? Eh? Eh?
Work continues to be work, school continues to be school (and vice versa, see what I did there?). I continue to overcomplicate things and end up screwing something up that wasn’t screwed up (if it ain’t broke, fix it til it is?), but I’m working on that. Yeah.
I really don’t see the point in updating, but really it’s just to update. So all… one of my readers has some kind of idea.
With regards,
-IAN
He who sees, but is not seen 